Themes retreat

Reducing stress / Getting more out of your life
Trauma
Narcissistic Victim Syndrome
Trauma bonding
Co-dependency
Highly sensitive person / Empathic
Depression / Burnout

1. Reduce stress / Get more out of your life

Together, we discover what causes turmoil in you. During a retreat, you learn different forms of mental training: becoming aware of the thoughts you think, transforming limiting thoughts, building more self-confidence, silencing the inner critic, unlearning perfectionism, manifesting the life you want… Learning what love means: learning unconditional self-love, recognising your inner values without external confirmation, growing towards self-acceptance, learning how your relationships can make room for growth. Learning to act from inner wholeness instead of from lack. True transformation and true love begins when you realise that you are the primary source of your own love. Love is not a final destination, it is a daily training.

2. Trauma

Trauma is not an event, it is the reaction of your nervous system to a shocking event or adverse experience (Peter Levine). You cannot process trauma, you can heal the disturbed regulation of your autonomic nervous system (Jan Bommerez). Trauma disconnects people from their bodies. That is why we do body-oriented exercises that make you feel, ground, centre and orient again. You learn exercises to activate and stimulate the vagus nerve to calm the nervous system and thus promote relaxation. After years of ‘surviving’, you learn to come back home to your own body by healing your overloaded system.

Signs that may indicate trauma:

You often attract accidents or drama.
You tend to please people to get love.
You often fail to recognise red flags, therefore you step into relationships that are not good for you.
Separation anxiety.
Attachment anxiety.
You keep getting stuck in your life, not achieving what you want.
Chronic lack of energy, fatigue.
Restlessness, nervousness for no apparent reason.
You are prone to addictions.
…

3. Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

People who have been abused and manipulated for a long time by a person with anti-social personality disorder (narcissist/sociopath/psychopath), are indeed victims and not people who sit in the victim role. In many cases, they are remarkably talented, intelligent and beautiful people whose special attractiveness makes them an ideal target for these manipulators. Often the perpetrator is a hidden narcissist, who to the outside world, exudes a totally different and loving image. Because of this and partly because of the lies and smear campaigns, the victim ends up alone because he/she is not believed. Thus, such a relationship can be very devastating and leave the victim feeling that there is nothing left of him/her and that he/she is alone in the world.

Common complaints after narcissistic abuse are: anxiety disorders, depression, exhaustion, low self-esteem, self-condemnation, not daring to trust anyone anymore, loneliness, concentration disorders, eating disorders, sleeping disorders, identity crisis, … After severe betrayal, not only your trust is shattered, but also your sense of identity. You often no longer know who you are, what you want and what you believe in.
Despite the fact that victims were so deeply hurt by the narcissist, many still cannot let go of them (see ‘trauma bonding/co-dependency’). They cannot imagine that someone, in whom they have invested so much, could treat them so badly. They fret a lot about this, doubt themselves and feel they should have given even more. This is obviously not true, there is nothing ‘wrong’ with the person being abused, only with the person committing the abuse. There is no excuse for violence/abuse, including trauma! Of course, it is important to learn to see your own responsibility in a toxic relationship. Everything happens for a reason. You can see a toxic relationship as a lesson in discovering your own shadow sides and understanding yourself better. In this retreat, you will learn to fathom these lessons. In this way, you can transform your old pain and free yourself. Among other things, you can learn here to recognise your own unmet needs, learn to see red flags, identify your limits … so that you don’t fall into the trap again. You can be helped to get back in touch with your true self. The beautiful and strong version of yourself buried under shock, confusion and pain can then reappear step by step.

4. Trauma bond

A “trauma bond” or “trauma bonding” is a deep-rooted bond that a victim of abuse may have with his or her abuser. Central to this is the victim’s emotional attachment. In a trauma bond, you usually fall in love instantly. During this period, the abuser does everything possible to make it seem like there is a predestination, that he/she is your soulmate, that you were made for each other … (”love bombing”).
Don’t be judgmental towards yourself if you have fallen into such a trap. These perpetrators are often professional liars, who have already trained for years to deceive and manipulate people as unobtrusively as possible. Narcissists scan your needs, insecurities and inner wounds and they use this as an entry point.

People with complex traumatic stress disorder do have a higher chance of developing a trauma attachment. This is essentially because they have become attached (during childhood) to insecurity (“unsafe attachment”). They often attract emotionally severely damaged partners who are incapable of love, who are emotionally unattainable. Unconsciously, they try to ‘fix’ that partner by overloading him/her with love, so that he/she will one day be able to give them the love they missed as children. So the relationship with a narcissist is not based on love but on old pain being activated.

During a retreat, you gain insight into your own traumabonding and learn to prevent it from happening again.

5. Co-dependency

Co-dependency is a psychological concept that refers to a relationship pattern in which a person develops excessive sense of responsibility for the well-being of another, where they would do anything to help the other person and rarely say ‘no’. This is often at the expense of one’s own needs and well-being.

Common symptoms of co-dependency include: difficulty in setting boundaries, excessive sense of responsibility, fear of rejection, constant need for affirmation, low self-esteem, perfectionism, avoidance of conflict, fear of loneliness, separation anxiety, …
The cause of co-dependent behaviour is usually found in childhood, due to lack of emotional support, dysfunctional family life, developmental trauma.

6. Highly sensitive person / Empath

Highly sensitive persons (H.S.P.) are people who are more strongly stimulated than average. They are more sensitive to emotions, pain, pleasure, and other mental and physical experiences. They are more sensitive to sounds and smells and to visual and tactile stimulation, and also appear to take in more impressions because they are not filtered as they are in other people. H.S.P. people tend to be less assertive (set boundaries) and more empathetic than the average person. Some of the many talents of H.S.P.’ers are: a strong sense of perception, a lot of self-knowledge and self-reflection, strong intuition, being able to understand and sense others well, being able to see connections and coherence, creativity, artfulness, profundity, caring, special contact with nature, with animals, … Being highly sensitive can often seem like a curse, but you can turn it into a blessing. You can learn to deal with it during the retreats and give yourself what you need and focus mainly on the many benefits.

An empath is someone with very strong empathy, the ability to empathise with the situation, feelings, thoughts and perceptions of others. He/she can empathise with others and this contributes to being able to understand others’ emotions and communication.

Strong empathy is a gift, but for many empaths it sometimes feels like a curse. People who like to steal the energy of others gratefully exploit (misuse) the gentleness of empaths. Hence, these often struggle with emotional exhaustion. It is advisable to learn that you are not responsible for the well-being of others. Being able to empathise with others is a very nice quality, but it is important to learn not to become over-involved, not to take over the other person’s emotion and not to take on the suffering of the whole world.

During a retreat, you can learn to protect yourself better from external stimuli, set your limits better, listen to your body better, feel more comfortable in your own skin and live a happier life.

7. Depression / Burnout

Depression is a mood disorder characterised by severe dejection or a loss of zest for life.

It is very important for the depressed person to have people around him who do not condemn these negative thoughts, who are patient. Also during a retreat, much attention is paid to understanding that he/she is allowed to feel the way he/she feels now. Tools are also provided to get your life back on track.

Burnout is a condition caused by system overload in which a person is emotionally and physically exhausted and can perform little to nothing. This often manifests itself in complaints such as; fatigue, exhaustion, no more energy, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, restless sleeping, being irritable (quickly angry or irritable), not being able to stand crowds/noise, being emotional (e.g. crying easily), brooding, feeling agitated … A burnout happens to you to point out that there is something in your life that requires adjustment or change.

During a retreat, it is especially important to discover the stressors that were present for a long time and thus caused the burnout, and to learn how to choose a new life.