Themes retreat

Reducing stress / Getting more out of your life
Trauma
Narcissistic Victim Syndrome
Trauma bonding
Co-dependency
Highly sensitive person / Empathic
Depression / Burnout

1. Reduce stress / Get more out of your life

Together, we discover what causes turmoil in you. During a retreat, you learn different forms of mental training: becoming aware of the thoughts you think, transforming limiting thoughts, building more self-confidence, silencing the inner critic, unlearning perfectionism, manifesting the life you want… Learning what love means: learning unconditional self-love, recognising your inner values without external confirmation, growing towards self-acceptance, learning how your relationships can make room for growth. Learning to act from inner wholeness instead of from lack. True transformation and true love begins when you realise that you are the primary source of your own love. Love is not a final destination, it is a daily training.

2. Trauma

Trauma is not an event, it is the reaction of your nervous system to a shocking event or adverse experience (Peter Levine). You cannot process trauma, you can heal the disturbed regulation of your autonomic nervous system (Jan Bommerez). Trauma disconnects people from their bodies. That is why we do body-oriented exercises that make you feel, ground, centre and orient again. You learn exercises to activate and stimulate the vagus nerve to calm the nervous system and thus promote relaxation. After years of ‘surviving’, you learn to come back home to your own body by healing your overloaded system.

Signs that may indicate trauma:

You often attract accidents or drama.
You tend to please people to get love.
You often fail to recognise red flags, therefore you step into relationships that are not good for you.
Separation anxiety.
Attachment anxiety.
You keep getting stuck in your life, not achieving what you want.
Chronic lack of energy, fatigue.
Restlessness, nervousness for no apparent reason.
You are prone to addictions.
…

3. Narcissistic victim syndrome

People who have been abused and manipulated for a long time by someone with an antisocial personality disorder (narcissist/sociopath/psychopath) are often labelled as “people who play the victim”. In many cases, however, they are remarkably talented, intelligent and beautiful people, whose special appeal makes them an ideal target for these manipulators. They have often fallen into the trap of a hidden narcissist, who projects a completely different and loving image to the outside world. As a result, and partly due to the lies and smear campaigns, they become isolated because no one believes them.

Such a relationship can therefore be very destructive and leave the victim feeling that there is nothing left of them and that they are alone in the world. On the other hand, the narcissist is also a victim, carrying the same pain (the pain of rejection) as their prey, and both reflect each other’s similar trauma. When you allow a narcissist into your life, you enter a frequency that resonates with a part of yourself that is still unconscious. As long as you do not recognise and address this part of yourself, you will continue to attract people who cross your boundaries.

The terms “perpetrator – victim” are therefore not entirely correct, because you do not attract a narcissist to love him or her, but to learn to love yourself. You can therefore view him/her as a “teacher” instead of focusing solely on his/her destructive behaviour.

Narcissistic abuse can lead to anxiety disorders, depression, exhaustion, low self-esteem, self-judgement, an inability to trust anyone, loneliness, concentration problems, eating disorders, sleep disorders, identity crises, etc. After serious betrayal, not only is your trust shattered, but also your sense of identity. You often no longer know who you are, what you want, or what you believe in.

Despite being so deeply hurt by the narcissist, many victims still cannot let go of him or her (see “trauma bonding/codependency”). They cannot imagine that someone in whom they have invested so much could treat them so badly. They worry about this a lot, doubt themselves and feel that they should have given even more. This is, of course, not true. There is no excuse for violence/abuse, not even a trauma!

Of course, it is important to learn to see your own responsibility in a toxic relationship. Everything happens for a reason. You can see a toxic relationship as a lesson to discover your own shadow sides and understand yourself better. In this retreat, you will learn to understand these lessons. By discovering your own dark sides and allowing them to exist, you can transform this darkness into strength. In this way, you can transform your old pain and free yourself.

Among other things, you will learn to recognise your own unfulfilled needs, recognise red flags so that you do not fall into the same trap again, set your boundaries, use your own strength and creativity for yourself again… You will be helped to get back in touch with your true self. The beautiful and strong version of yourself, buried under shock, confusion and pain, can then gradually resurface.

4. Trauma bond

A “trauma bond” is a deep-rooted bond that a victim of abuse can have with his or her abuser. The emotional attachment of the victim is central to this. With a trauma bond, you usually fall in love immediately. During this period, the abuser does everything possible to make it seem as if it is destiny, that he or she is your soul mate, that you are made for each other… (“love bombing”).
Do not judge yourself if you have fallen into such a trap. These perpetrators are often professional liars, trained for years to deceive and manipulate people as inconspicuously as possible. And the fact that you did not see this coming is not due to weakness, but to your own wounds.

Narcissists seek out your needs, insecurities and inner wounds and use this as a way to get inside. As long as you do not manage and protect your own light, you allow others to feed off your light. So it is better to put your energy into working on your inner wound, rather than being angry with yourself and harbouring resentment towards the person you allowed to hurt you.

People with complex traumatic stress disorder are more likely to develop trauma attachment. This is essentially because they have become attached to insecurity (“insecure attachment”) during their childhood. They often attract emotionally damaged partners who are incapable of loving and emotionally unavailable. Unconsciously, they try to “heal” that partner by showering him or her with love, so that one day he or she can give them the love they missed as a child. The relationship with a narcissist is therefore not based on love, but on activating old pain.

During a retreat, you will gain insight into your own trauma attachment and learn how to prevent this from happening again.

5. Codependency

Codependency is a psychological concept that refers to a relationship pattern in which someone develops an excessive sense of responsibility for the well-being of another person, does everything to help the other person and rarely says “no”. This is often at the expense of their own needs and well-being.

Common symptoms of codependency include difficulty setting boundaries, an exaggerated sense of responsibility, fear of rejection, a constant need for reassurance, low self-esteem, perfectionism, avoidance of conflict, fear of loneliness, fear of abandonment, etc. The cause of codependent behaviour usually lies in childhood, as a result of a lack of emotional support, a dysfunctional family life, or developmental trauma.

Narcissism and codependency are therefore essentially the same vibration. Both are survival mechanisms that arise from trauma and are opposites that attract each other.

6. Highly sensitive person / Empath

Highly sensitive persons (H.S.P.) are people who are more strongly stimulated than average. They are more sensitive to emotions, pain, pleasure, and other mental and physical experiences. They are more sensitive to sounds and smells and to visual and tactile stimulation, and also appear to take in more impressions because they are not filtered as they are in other people. H.S.P. people tend to be less assertive (set boundaries) and more empathetic than the average person. Some of the many talents of H.S.P.’ers are: a strong sense of perception, a lot of self-knowledge and self-reflection, strong intuition, being able to understand and sense others well, being able to see connections and coherence, creativity, artfulness, profundity, caring, special contact with nature, with animals, … Being highly sensitive can often seem like a curse, but you can turn it into a blessing. You can learn to deal with it during the retreats and give yourself what you need and focus mainly on the many benefits.

An empath is someone with very strong empathy, the ability to empathise with the situation, feelings, thoughts and perceptions of others. He/she can empathise with others and this contributes to being able to understand others’ emotions and communication.

Strong empathy is a gift, but for many empaths it sometimes feels like a curse. People who like to steal the energy of others gratefully exploit (misuse) the gentleness of empaths. Hence, these often struggle with emotional exhaustion. It is advisable to learn that you are not responsible for the well-being of others. Being able to empathise with others is a very nice quality, but it is important to learn not to become over-involved, not to take over the other person’s emotion and not to take on the suffering of the whole world.

During a retreat, you can learn to protect yourself better from external stimuli, set your limits better, listen to your body better, feel more comfortable in your own skin and live a happier life.

7. Depression / Burnout

Depression is a mood disorder characterised by severe dejection or a loss of zest for life.

It is very important for the depressed person to have people around him who do not condemn these negative thoughts, who are patient. Also during a retreat, much attention is paid to understanding that he/she is allowed to feel the way he/she feels now. Tools are also provided to get your life back on track.

Burnout is a condition caused by system overload in which a person is emotionally and physically exhausted and can perform little to nothing. This often manifests itself in complaints such as; fatigue, exhaustion, no more energy, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, restless sleeping, being irritable (quickly angry or irritable), not being able to stand crowds/noise, being emotional (e.g. crying easily), brooding, feeling agitated … A burnout happens to you to point out that there is something in your life that requires adjustment or change.

During a retreat, it is especially important to discover the stressors that were present for a long time and thus caused the burnout, and to learn how to choose a new life.